i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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