I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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