Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
