and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
