I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
