Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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