Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
