I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
