My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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