I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
