Me too!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
