i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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