Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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