Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
