Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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