Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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