Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
