I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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