her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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