Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
