I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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