At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
