I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
