My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
