If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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