you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
