She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
