Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
