And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
