Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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