I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
