you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
