so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
