oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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