$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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