Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
