My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
