tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
