I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
