im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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