How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
