Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sobbing to NWA
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
