And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
