I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I need water and some morals
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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