I wish my penis had an off switch
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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