wakey wakey hands off snakey
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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