I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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