all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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