It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
