I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
