I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I haven't been this sober since birth.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
