I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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