i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
