She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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