Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
