There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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