Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
