I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
