addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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