I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
