Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
