Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
