then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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