Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
