he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
