My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
