Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
