Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
