he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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