He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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