What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
