what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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