btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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