She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
