There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
