like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
