I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
