I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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